My dad respects me and I respect him but he has a temper and gets badass angry when someone disagrees with him. He makes his disapproval obvious and it’s not fun to be around. I guess my family is not special in that ours is the only one with meshuguna.
Coming up this week is a visit with dad and mom. I’m trying to prepare myself and not hold my breath. These are not the golden years anymore and their decline is just plain hard. My dad nearing 89 is an old man. And he can still roar.
Do you think by now I would have grown up enough to not be intimidated by my dad’s disapproval? We’ll see. God knows I’ve worked on it. It would be nice to be evolved enough to stand tall, let him blow his steam and not be hi-jacked by how scary it used to feel ‘when dad is mad’. It would be nice if I could stay calm with good humor, have myself a chuckle and think ‘blow it out your ear, dad.’
Here’s the thing about me and my dad. We’re close and we’ve worked hard to get there. But I don’t have to let his upset and unhappiness make me feel upset and unhappy. Right? The end of life is full of upsetting things. He’s angry about it. Being angry and “not giving up” sounds heroic but it just makes hard things feel worse.
I don’t want to be angry What, then? Maybe I don’t have to fight his fight with him to love him.
– Adelaide Waters